Family Traditions

Trinsica:
My favorite family tradition is when we read the stories and sing hymns by the tree at night during Christmas time!

Travis:

The first tradition that comes to mind for me is rice pudding on Christmas Eve... Not only is the good luck fun, but I seriously can't get enough of that rice pudding! Christmas isn't the same without it :) 

And just singing together in general... I miss gathering around the piano and just singing hymns... It's nice to be around natural talent :)

Mom:

One of my favorite Traditions is going caroling at Christmas around the neighborhood. And of course Mom always wants to do "just one more house". And then going home and having hot chocolate. Love the Caroling and singing acapella with the family:-).

Jana:
Probably 90% of my favorite traditions involve food (shocker, I know!). I loved that my family had sourdough waffles every Saturday morning when I was growing up. I loved making tamales with my family for Christmas Eve dinner. It took hours for my mom, my brother, and me to assemble the tamales, but it always gave us time to talk with each other. I also love that in my family and in this family, Sunday afternoons/evenings almost always mean playing games as a family. And at my house growing up, playing games always meant popcorn. 😋 
With our little family, Friday is pizza night, a tradition that has helped us form good friendships with other people in our wards. Because hey, who would turn down an invitation for homemade pizza? 😊

Dustin:

For a few years while the older boys were at home, we used to have Christmas Eve wrestling matches. Those were so fun! I think one year Travis broke Dad's rib because he squeezed him too hard. But the bruises and carpet burns were worth it.

Around that same time, we played bingo on Christmas, every hour on the hour. Winner would receive a small prize, but the best thing was that it kept us socializing all day rather than retreating to our own spaces to play.

Tyson:

For birthdays Mom and Dad would hide gifts and create poem clues that lead to the next gift. I still remember "look high look low, look for a couch potato" then Travis found his gift under the couch. It was a baseball bouncy net thing that helped practice throwing/catching. This tradition helped involve the family more and created a lot of excitement. It also was extra work from Mom and Dad, a way they showed that loved us.

An Easter tradition that Amber and I have is rolling hardboiled eggs down the biggest hill that we can find and seeing whose goes the furthest.

[Comments:]
(Jana)

That's a fun tradition! How did that one start?

(Tyson)

Amber is awesome! She did this in college on a crazy hill on Utah State campus

(Amber)
Ha ha us, it's  a funny one. It started at Utah state. Some friends and I colored eggs and rolled them down a huge hill on campus. It was the best because there were so many old tree roots in the grass it was like mini jumps. We were chasing our eggs and cringing every time they would bounce in the air! There were so many people who did it the whole hill was full of eggs. I remember so many seagulls eating the eggs for weeks after.  The first time we did it was while we were in Alaska. Imagine 6 25 year olds on the side of a road crying because they were laughing so hard as cars were dodging the eggs.

Brittany:
Loving all these traditions! Growing up, every Saturday morning was "Donut Day". We'd wake up to a personalized list of chores and mine mostly included yard work because I loved being outside. All my siblings would negotiate trading chores on their list with a "I'll let you eat 5 of my donut holes if you'll clean my bathroom and I'll vacuum your room." Basically the older siblings conned the younger ones because donuts were way more important as a little person! Halfway through our chores mom would come home with loads of donuts, croissant breakfast sandwiches, sausage & boudin kolaches (Trav's favorite!) and fun drinks as a thank you for helping around the house. All of my siblings have carried on the tradition and now do this with their families. We usually do some chores, grab donuts and head to the beach or bike the trails. My kids understand where we are in the week by knowing how many days til donut day. 😂
(Travis:)
And people wonder why I'm fat?! ;) Yeah, it's hilarious... Our kids think "donut day" is something everyone does... Not sure if they even know the word Saturday... Its Fri, donut day, sunday

Brittany (cont.)
Another tradition I thought of was Guy Fawkes Day. Since my dad is British, a lot of our traditions are ones he had growing up in England. Guy Fawkes was arrested for trying to blow up King James I. So on Nov 5, we stuff some old pants and a shirt making a newspaper person and burn him over a huge bonfire as a reminder that the crown will live on. Long live the King! 👑

 We eat roasted potatoes and it's fun creating our person together. Trav has thoroughly enjoyed attempting to lite him on fire with a flaming arrow. 😉

Skyler:

I have always enjoyed our 12 days of Christmas tradition where we pick a family in need and then deliver something each night (doorbell ditching, of course) among with a scripture for the 12 days leading up to Christmas. I also loved making our traditional Christmas treats like the Christmas wreaths, divinity, etc

Amber:

My favorite growing up was cutting down our Christmas tree. I especially like how unique they are. My favorite memory was when Tyson and I were dating. I had been away for college and missed cutting down our tree so since I had moved back to Orem I really really wanted to cut down a tree with my family. You need a permit and they sell out quickly. I was planning on waiting in line before it opens to ensure I could get a permit but something came up and I couldn't make it. I asked everyone in my family and Tyson and no one was available to wait in line. I was so bummed!! I was going to have to settle for a "perfect" tree. Little did I know that Tyson had talked to Travis and he said he'd get the permit. Tyson surprised me with the permit and I was so excited I started crying! It was the best surprise! We ended up getting a huge tree. I think it was so tall we could barely reach the top when standing on the top of a step stool.

Best Marriage Advice

Travis:

It's hard to nail it down to my "best" advice but obviously a big one that people always say is "good communication"... But what does that really mean? To me and in the context of a good marriage, it means always be able to talk... About anything and everything. Giving the cold shoulder treatment, or saying you're fine when you're really not, or any of the silly games lije hint dropping, or assuming they should know what you're feeling WILL lead to problems... Britt and I feel that we can talk about anything, even if it's hard... That way we're able to deepen our relationship and support each other through whatever we may be facing. Obviously we're not perfect, and it's also important to note that even if you say something as clear and concise as possible, if the other person didn't understand it the way you intended to convey it... There was a lack of communication. (I'm still learning that the hard way) like a couple weeks back Britt said can you put this tray the oven and set the timer... I said sure and put the tray in the oven. A few minutes later she asked how much time was left on the timer... I said what timer? All I heard was put it in the oven! Lol I think I just need to listen better... Which is my final point on communication. Focus on becoming a better listener, give the other person your full attention :) -the end

Brittany:

Maybe it's just the recreational therapy background in me, but I think it's important to find activities that you both enjoy doing together so you can continue to strengthen your FRIENDSHIP... A lot of couples that struggle I feel are missing that element and all that ties them together is dealing with kids, work and the day to day... only to find when they're alone they struggle enjoying time together. The end goal being to have your spouse genuinely become your best friend, which opens doors for respectful communication and a more loving connection.

Dad:

Give negative/criticism as little as possible. Positive comments go along way.

Tyson:
Unconditional love. We all have expectations, and communicating those expectations can help them become realistic expectations, but don't ever let your feelings toward your spouse be connected to the fulfillment of those expectations. Always put your spouse above yourself. Consciously and deliberately thinking about someone else all the time can be exhausting and difficult, especially at first, but this gets easier as you make it a habit and life/marriage can be so wonderful when you are both thinking about each other over your own selves. (I'm still have a long ways to go, still working on this). Also realize that in marriage you get to take turns having bad days and helping each other through it. Occasionally your bad days will happen at the same time, decide beforehand how to handle this difficult situation (going to bed early helps us). Also... what Travis and Brittany said 😎 👍


Amber:

This quote kept coming to my mind as I was thinking of what to say... I believe that no matter what problems you face it is better together. Love each other first and you can solve any problem.

Jana:
Seriously good advice! 👍

🏼 haha, I sat here typing out about 5 different things before deciding on this: I highly recommend reading about the 5 love languages and figuring out what yours and your spouse's love languages are (just google–there is even a quiz to take.) I feel like that information is a game changer for a marriage. It's highly likely that you and your spouse have different primary love languages–or you feel love in different ways. Which means, you might need to learn to become fluent in a different love language to make sure you are communicating love to your spouse in a way that is loud and clear to them. For example, Dustin's primary love language is Physical Touch (or Quality Time, he scored pretty evenly on those two), whereas mine is Acts of Service. Because I speak Acts of Service, I often tried to make Dustin feel loved by doing things like making his meals, cleaning up after him, ironing his clothes, gassing up the car, etc. Which is a nice sentiment and all, but I was distressed to find out he still wasn't feeling loved, because I wasn't saying "I love you" in a language he understood. So I've had to learn to be really intentional about giving hugs, back scratches, holding his hand, and making time for snuggles. Whereas he has learned that if he wants to really make my heart go pitter-pat, cleaning the shower or taking the kids to the park is a really good way to go. 😉

seriously though, read about it. It's really been helpful for marriage, and every other family relationship I have, as I've learned what my other family member's love languages are.

Dustin:
My advice: expect nothing, be grateful for everything. What I mean by that: don't assume that your spouse is going to act a certain way, or know how you feel already, or be able to read your mind. Communication is absolutely essential! Explain how you feel and try and work together to five or why you feel that way. And it's okay to say, "I'm not sure how I'm feeling or what I want. I need help. (Or I need some space)."

Trinsica:

Something I have observed is that it's important to go on dates and have fun! Also, be very open about everything. Never be afraid to talk to your spouse about things. Another thing that is very important is to have scripture study and prayer daily as a couple.

Skyler:

I think one thing I have always admired is when married couples really express their love often to each other and when they refrain from anything that might diminish the message of love they are giving. I think everyone emphasized a lot of those same things, but some of the days I think you can do that is being willing to accept correction, never putting each other down (even if it's "just a joke"), doing small acts of service, expressing love and sincere praise often, and supporting each other in your dreams and interests.

Memories of Grandpa Tolman

Dustin:
First thing that comes to mind is when Grandpa decided to play some baseball with us grandkids. He pitched the ball to me and I smacked it hard (for a young kid). Well the traveled directly toward him and hit him in the throat, or upper chest area. I think it knocked him on the ground too. This was after he already started to feel ill, so I legitimately thought I killed him. I felt so bad, but didn't know how to react, so I think I ran away crying.
I also remember that he had a really beautiful damnation dog named Malcolm. One wintery day Tyson and I decided would take Malcolm on a hike through the snow behind the cabin. Partway up the hill Malcolm decided he didn't like us anymore and started growling. I'm pretty sure he jumped on Tyson, and so I ran for my life. Once again, crying. (At least this is my recollection of my traumatized memories).

Tyson:
I remember Grandpa's favorite drink was Squirt. He always kept it in a Hart's gas station thermos cooler with ice.
One really early memory I have of Grandpa is from when I was 3 years old. He took Travis, Dad, and I hunting with his Ford Bronco and his Motorhome. Travis and I rode on the bed above the driver seat and colored. I remember him taking us in the Bronco trying to climb an extremely steep hill. I was terrified! I thought we were going to flip over it was so steep; he ended up not being able to make it so he had to reverse down the mountain. It was always fun to be outside with grandpa and boy did he appreciate the great outdoors.
I remember Grandpa had a great ear for playing the piano. I don't know if he could even read piano music but he could sure play, especially ragtime music. 2 of his favorite songs were "Nola" by Felix At, and Maple Leaf Rag. As grandkids we would all break into dancing whenever he hit the piano and it was a blast! Mom and Tammy decided to team up and try to play Nola at his funeral because neither of them could play it alone. They struggled through the music and totally botched the ending. Tammy got up and grabbed the music and just walked away and mom was shouting for her to come back and finish the piece but she wouldn't. I'm sure Grandpa was crying laughing at that from heaven. (Nola: https://youtu.be/y_cZBc6249Y)
I remember one winter day right after it snowed Grandpa hooked a couple of sleds to the back of his Ford Bronco and pulled us grandkids all over town. He was always great at creating an adventure!
One time we were playing games with Grandpa and he was having some constipation issues so he ate some fiber cereal. Not long after that he shot up from his seat saying "that stuff works fast!" as he ran to the bathroom. I remember us grandkids dying laughing, something about the way he said it. He was a really funny guy!

Cameron:
I don't actually remember much about Grandpa, but I remember that I was at clear Creek nearing the end of the camping trip. I got a call from the office and it was dad or mom. They told me that Grandpa died. I was sad and cried a little, then dad came and picked me up early from camp.

Skyler:
My memories of grandpa are pretty vague, too, but some of my favorite things were when he would sit down and play some good ragtime piano for us all or when we hitched that little wagon trailer to the back if his four wheeler and drove us around the property.

Dad:
I have great memories helping him build the cabin. I will send pics later.
There's a great section on grandpa with pictures. (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0uca9Pbpo32cnN4UFdaWjZ2dnc/view)

This is about how old I was when I got shot

Army picture

Family with great grandfather

Wedding:

Mom:
I remember gong 4 wheeling with him and Dad when I was pregnant with one of you boys.  I was scared to death!  We went up in the forest over fallen trees and boulders and up steep hills where all you could see was sky.  I would rather have walked than ridden it scared me so bad.  He was a good driver though.
Another Grandpa Tolman memory is that he loved to play games, especially scrabble. He could come up with the weirdest words and they were real.  it was always hard to beat him but if I did, he was a good sport.
He was also a very good singer and I loved singing at Thanksgiving time after cleaning up the cabin, we would all sing hymns together and often start the Christmas season singing Christmas hymns as we put up the Christmas tree.  He was always very gentle and loving and kind.
Brad has a lot of his Dad in him.  He gets a hankering to do something and that is all it takes...it doesn't go away until he goes and does whatever it is that he has his mind to.  Grandma Tolman said it didn't matter what she said, she finally learned he was going to do it anyway so learn to go along with him.  He and Grandma used to take long road trips on a big motorcycle.
He had a motorhome for a while and he took the whole family in it to Arizona when Troy married Kristen.  We had all the little grandchildren in it too and that was a fun trip.  When Travis and Tyson were little we also took a trip to Lake Powell in the motor home.  It was just an adult couple trip so we could all sleep in the motor home.  However, Grandpa Tolman snored so loudly that I could not sleep so I went outside and slept in a lawn chair and still had to plug my ears so I couldn't hear him.  (I guess I"m just like him now as Trinsica can attest).

Travis:

Tyson and I have a lot of the same memories of grandpa... I remember him as an excellent example of a patient loving father... He wasn't a man of many words, but you knew he deeply cared for others and you were very comfortable and happy in his presence.  He had a love for the outdoors, motorcycles (I loved cycle rides with Grandpa), driving, good music, playing games and being with his family. I remember going to the Fairview property the day they first started clearing trees, pouring foundation and many other days building the cabin next to Grandpa and his cowboy hat :) I was in the MTC when he passed, so I missed out on the family singing love at home at his bedside. I wish I could have been there... One of his final wishes says a lot about the man he was... He just wanted to be surrounded by his family in the outdoors fishing together. Nobody caught anything, but we enjoyed being together. I think we're all excited to see him once again :)